人生中最重要的20世代/Your twenties matter

剛聽完這個演講《為什麼30世代不是新20世代》，心裡就想著：一定要在部落格分享！雖然我已經不是這個演講的目標聽眾群，但聽完這個演講後還是覺得很有收獲，且應証了自己長期以來的想法。

講者Meg Jay是心理學家，專長在成人發展，尤其是年紀在20歲區間的青年。她的著作《20世代，你的人生是不是卡住了》在台灣也有中文版。透過這演講，Meg分享了她多年的諮商臨床經驗，以及給年輕人的建議。對我而言，她所提供的三點建議其實不只適用於20世代年輕人，而是各個年齡層。

取得身份統合資產：從事能夠幫助你成為你（可能）想當的人的事情上
這是最重要最重要的部分。即使你對於想從事的工作或想成為的人只有模糊的概念，也不應該拖延、從事無法累積身份資產的事情。例如：想從事藝術相關工作，但不清楚也還沒確定自己適合的職位，因此在餐廳打工賺生活費。這，就是拖延。Meg說這並不是不鼓勵年輕人進行探索，而是不鼓勵年輕人進行無法增加個人價值的探索。

我很同意她的觀點，也是我長期以來的想法：年輕人可以藉由探索發掘自己適合的或想要的人生，但這探索是要有目標性、並付出成本的。如果過程中遇到困難就決定放棄目前走的這條路而想換別的路徑，這是不負責任的做法。探索也不是無限度的，每一次的試探都應該要讓未來更清楚明確，幫助你規劃人生的藍圖。

但「有附加價值的探索」其實包含相當大的主觀判斷在裡頭。什麼樣的工作或經驗和你想從事的工作或想成為的人是相關的？那些事情屬於毫無意義的拖延？以打工度假為例，什麼情況下這會是充滿附加價值的探索？什麼時候這又屬於懈怠？我認為沒有價值的拖延很容易被各種理由包裝成看似有意義的經驗累積，如何清楚劃分兩者的界限需要遠見與智慧，也是我還在學習的部分。

善用舒適圈外的關係
對於臉皮不算厚的我，要拜託朋友幫忙，我總是考慮再三，確定不會增添太多麻煩，才怯怯地向朋友尋求幫助。自從來米國後，這方面技能倒是增長不少，畢竟出外靠朋友嘛。而且人與人之間的關係是互相的，這次對方幫助我後，下次換我協助對方，雙方關係也更穩固。而舒適圈外的關係，從來不在我尋求幫助的範圍內。但Meg說得好，小圈圈裡的人想法生活都很相近；若希望有所改變、尋求改變，就必須要走出去，拓展視野與關係。

最好的解決問題時機，就是在問題發生之前！
這真的是醍醐灌頂啊！與其讓問題產生再來解決，不如不要讓問題產生。這在商業上其實是很基本的道理，產品或服務讓消費者抱怨，後續的解決成本反而比投資開發成本更高。學術上也是，有一個完整的實驗設計，比起後續的統計分析補救方式還更有效率與說服力。應用在人生上，也是同樣的道理。

如果你正處於20世代，這篇演講一定要聽；若你已經超過20世代了，這篇演講更是要聽，因為你仍有機會改變，並影響現在與未來的20世代！

When I finished this talk, I knew right away that I had to share it on my blog.  Although I am not in my 20s anymore, I still learned a lot.

Meg Jay is a psychologist who specializes on adult development, especially people in their 20s.  She also publishes a book named The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter -- And How to Make the Most of Them Now.  In her speech, she shares her clinical experience and her advice to young people.  To me, her three suggestions are not only suitable for 20s, but applicable to people of all ages.

Forget identity crisis; get identity capital
This is the most important advice among the three she gave.  Even you haven't had a clear idea about what you want to do, or who you want to be, you should not procrastinate.  For example, you want to work in art industry but haven't decided what exactly you are going to do.  Hence you work in a restaurant.  This is procrastination.  Meg said that she is not discouraging young people to explore, but she discounts explorations that cannot add value to your identity.

This is the same as what I have been thinking for a long time: young people can learn and realize what they want to do or who they want to be by exploring.  But the exploration has to be goal orientated, and pays the necessary cost.  Giving up the current path that you are exploring due to difficulties your encounter is not responsible.  It is only when you overcome difficulties that you have the full right to choose your next step.  Moreover, the exploration has its time limit.  Every exploration has to help you clarify the future you want, and plan out your life.

However, whether the exploration will add value to who you are is subjective.  What experience or work will be relevant to your goal?  What are the explorations that actually are procrastinations?  Taking working holidays as example.  When can it be meaningful exploration?  Under what situation is it actually a procrastination?  I think a meaningless procrastination can be easily disguised as a meaningful accumulation of experience.  How to clearly distinguish these two needs vision and wisdom, and it is also what I am learning.

Use your weak tie
Being a non-thick-skinned person and independent, I always hesitated to ask for help from friends - I had to think and think again, making sure that I would't cause too much trouble, then I could ask friends for favors.  Ever since I came to the US, I gradually learned to depend on friends.  After all, that's all I have in a foreign country.  Besides, relationship is mutual - this time my friends help me, next time I return their favor.  It is a way to develop a stronger relationship.  However, I never consider the weak tie - the relationship that just outside your inner circle.  Meg made a good point - people in the inner circle are all like-minded; the new piece of information, the new person to date always come from the weak ties.  If you want to make changes, you have to reach out.

The best time to solve a problem is before it happens
This is an "Aha!" moment to me as well.  Why do we wait till a problem happens and then solve it?  This is quite basic in business: the costs of dealing with consumer complaints are higher than the initial investment.  So is in academic field.  Having a well-designed experiment is more persuasive and efficient than using statistical analysis to make up the deficit of the study.  Same concept also applies to our life.

If you are in your 20s, this is a talk that you definitely have to listen to.  If you are beyond your 20s, you even more need to spend some time listening to the three advices, because you still have chance to make the change you want, and you will influence the future 20s!